"Can you hear it? That noise, Its been driving me potty all day."

I woke up this morning in my usual lively way
Peeped out from the bedclothes at another dreary day
Feeling full of fun, I threw the alarm clock at the cat
Turned over and went back to sleep and thought that that was that

"But it wasnt, it was that!"

I yawned and stretched and scratched a bit, then tumbled out of bed
But still I felt this rhythm sort of pounding in my head 
I thought, well, this is funny, but it cant go on all day
I think Ill just ignore it, then its bound to go away

"Have you ever had one of those days when nothing seems to go 
right?"

I started out to work and met a postman on his round
I said, "Good morning postman, can you hear that funny sound?"
He listened and he said, Dyou mean that
I said, Thats right. he said, Thats funny, I cant hear a thing

"Have you ever tried to push a postman through a letterbox? Its not 
easy."

I went up to a policeman, I said, Can you hear that noise?
He looked at me as if I was a gang o Teddy boys
I said, You should arrest it for disturbing peoples peace
He said, All right, my lad, move on before I call the police!

"Have you ever tried to push a policeman through a letterbox?
Its all right till you get up to his boots."

I went to see a wise man who said, Leave it all to me!
Ill analyse the noise for only twice my normal fee
He came back three days later, and said, Its tricky to explain
In fact, I dont know what it is, but there it goes again

"Have you ever tried to push a wise man through twice his normal fee?
Its all right until you get up to his letterbox. No, that cant be right."

I went down to the studios to record my latest hit
A sentimental ballad that I thought was full of potential
But every time I try to sing this very lovely song
This funny noise keeps startin' up and makes me go all wrong

"But Im not gonna be beaten by it. Im gonna record this hit ballad if it kills me 'Cause its a very pretty tune

What kind of fool am I, who never...
"Give me an A, will you, Ian? Lovely"

What kind of fool am I, who never fell in
Who never fell in love

"Will you please try and stop that noise. Will somebody please try and stop that noise. I can't stand the noise"

Stop the World! Stop the.....
